adivinesecret

So, I am leaving in a couple hours to head home. Its weird seeing all of my stuff packed up once again. In the passed 2 yrs, I have moved over 10 times. If the saying is true (home is where the heart is), then maybe that's why I have been moving so much. I haven't been able to find a true place where my heart has settled.

Even though I have been going through a lot lately, I can't help, but to be in an amazing and positive mood. It seems as though it doesn't bother me when I'm trying to move forward and keep getting kicked back 3 spaces. It might be because I have realized nothing in life is worth truly getting upset over. Everything happens for a reason and you can't change the past; there is no reason why people should dwell upon things. Life is far too short. I found out some pretty upsetting news earlier today, but I was honestly only upset for 5 minutes at the maximum.
Being in such a great mood, has also helped clear up my writer's block. I find it strange that when I am happy, my writing is sad or angry, but when I am sad or angry, it's happy. Weird, but I never said my mind wasn't unique. : )
I am off to make sure I have packed everything.
My insomnia needs to quit soon. I have not really slept in the passed few nights. Its getting so bad. : /

A hero is different to each and every person. I think a hero is someone who is very wise, driven, and has a great heart.

I am not quite sure if back home is truly where my heart is, but it's where I need to be for now. I can't wait to get there and just cuddle in bed with my dog. I miss her so much. I miss the comfort of being able to feel safe while sleeping in my bed at night. I love my friends, but they don't necessarily create a safety around me. They allow things to happen, and don't really feel bothered when it hurts my feelings. I am just sick of always feeling taken advantaged of here; in a financial sense, as well as emotionally. I try so hard to please people, yet it gets me absolutely no where. I feel like I am indebted to people with no chance of ever seeing freedom. I miss my best friend more than anyone in the world, and I can't wait to see her and just hug her and never let go. I can't wait to be able to eat healthy vegetarian food, and not be made fun of for it. I can't wait to be away from the peer pressure. I am sick of getting criticism for the choices I make. It's my life, and I think I am making the best choices for myself. I am doing what makes me happy. Even though I will not be home for very long, it's going to just feel amazing to be around the people I love and am so grateful to have in my life. I know I will eventually have to leave them again, but the next time will be better off for me then this last one. I will be in Chicago making my dreams come true.

I have been having such writer's block lately, and have no been able to write in my journal. I am usually able to write poetry or stories every day, yet I think confusion has overcome me. I am stressed out beyond belief and my anxiety is overwhelming me. This environment is dragging me down, and I am surrounded by things that I don't agree with and people who I would rather not be associated with. My body and mind feel drained. Insomnia has been taking over; the stress has caused this.

I love music that really helps organize the thoughts that run through my mind. Currently, Lydia is doing so. As well as my main man, Bob Dylan. Of course The Beatles are always my number one choice. Pure genius. : )

I need to transfer some musical tastes to my phone so I can listen to their sweet symphonies as I go off into my dreamland.

Until next time, loves.

I have so many. I bite my nails when I am nervous; I smoke (quitting, though); I daze out even in the middle of conversations; etc.

I guess, it's finally hitting me that everything that I cherished for almost 2 years is not apart of my life anymore. I am over the whole situation, yet it sucks from time to time when loneliness strikes. Not being able to run to that one person who was once there, with open arms. It is upsetting to know that they are no longer there to be your shoulder to cry on, yet it makes me wonder if they were ever truly there to begin with. All of the physical, mental, and verbal abuse that was occuring drowned out the happiness that was once there. Its saddening to me to know that I fell in love with the lies that were told, and not the person he truly was. I do not regret being with him because I learned so much from the whole relationship. It made me mature and realize that I am actually a better person now.
Aside from all of that, I am actually looking forward to the move I am about to make. I will be finally making my dream come alive. Its going to be a struggle at times, but I am not going to give up. I don't believe in failure because if you truly are devoted to something, you would do anything to make sure you keep it. That's exactly how I am with fashion. I am so passionate about it, and I have so much determination to succeed with it. Its been my dream ever since I was a little girl. I am so grateful to have my family and friends supporting me behind it all. Especially my grandmother. She is behind me 100% and I couldn't be for thankful for that. Its definitely going to be a major change living in Chicago; being away from my friends and, of course, my family, but its for the best.
I am actually going to take the time to discuss the relationship side of my life. I am not currently in a relationship. I am also just waiting for that one guy 'who takes my breath away'. I will say more later.
Off to eat some cheerios and soy milk. Yumm!
-Your's truly.

Things are thrown, windows break
The violence is more than I can take
A fist here, a bruise there
My strength doesn't help or even compare
Oh, God, please stop this fight
Before my life ends this very night
I beg and I plead to be let free
But oh no, oh no he won't let me be

(unfinished)

I wish I could say
Something to make you stay.
But tomorrows too close
To turn away.
You've packed your bags
And ready to leave.
This is what I get for having
My heart on my sleeve.
Too many bruises and too many fights
To turn around and make things right.
Today is the beginning of the end.
It's so long to such a wrong friend.